Sick of Being a People-Pleaser? Here’s How to Stop

Being nice and kind are invaluable traits to have. But sometimes we can end up pressuring ourselves too much just because don’t want to offend or bother others. Managing conflict is one thing, but straying far from what makes you happy can leave you feeling exhausted and unhappy in the long run. People pleasers do this often since it’s hard for them to handle disapproval, so the needs and feelings of others take precedence over their own. Inevitably, this results in low self-esteem and poor coping skills. If this sounds like you or someone you know, here are a few tips that can help:

Be True to Yourself

This might be hard at first, but you can start by trying to stay true to your feelings and needs. Avoid doing things just to look good – whether for family members, friends, or colleagues. Listen to your inner voice and stick to what feels right for you. If you find yourself on the spot, hold your ground and politely refuse to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.

Choose Your Battles

Remember that it’s okay to say No. People-pleasing can be deeply ingrained into our systems for many reasons. If the prospect of letting someone down seems overwhelming, start small. Pick your battles carefully. You don’t need to start saying no to everything. Identify the situations that make you the most uncomfortable or the most unreasonable requests. Refusing to go along with things isn’t selfish, it’s you taking care of yourself.

Healthy Boundaries

Most people pleasers don’t understand the concept of boundaries. But you must recognize patterns and draw the line somewhere. Start noticing all the things that make you feel unhappy, out of these things, identify some that are deal-breakers. It’s a simple strategy that gives you clarity and confidence about unacceptable behaviors.

Trust Your Instincts

We meet many people along the way, some are good and some are bad. It’s important to drown out the noise and listen to what your gut tells you about people. Is your inner voice telling you a person is toxic? Trust it. You don’t need to abandon relationships completely. But it’ll make you more cautious.  When the people for whom you’ve been trying your best make you anxious, remember to put yourself first. You deserve happiness too.